Once, there was this kid who
  Took a trip to Singapore and brought along his spray paint
  And when he finally came back
  He had cane marks all over his bottom
  He said that it was from when
  The warden whacked it so hard
    Mmm mmm mmm mmm, mmm mmm mmm mmm
    [whip sound] Ahh
    Once there was this girl who
  Swore that one day she would be a figure skating champion
  And when she finally made it
  She saw some other girl who was better [ding sound]
  And so she hired some guy to
  Club her in the kneecap
    Mmm mmm mmm mmm, mmm mmm mmm mmm
  [thwack sound] Ahh
  Mmm mmm mmm mmm, mmm mmm mmm mmm
    They got paid for their sound bites
  And sold their TV movie rights
    And then, there was this guy who
  Made his wife so mad one night that she cut off his weiner
  And when he finally came to
  He found that Mr. Happy was missing
  He couldn't quite explain it
  It'd always just been there
    Mmm mmm mmm mmm, mmm mmm mmm mmm
  Mmm mmm mmm mmm, mmm mmm mmm mmm
    Ahh ahh (There) ahh ahh (Were), ahh ahh (There) ahh ahh (Is)
  Ahh ahh (There) ahh ahh (Were), ahh ahh (There) ahh ahh (Is)
    Ahh ahh (There) ahh ahh (Were), ahh ahh (There) ahh ahh (Is)
  Ahh ahh (There) ahh ahh (Were), ahh ahh (There) ahh ahh (Is)
    (There were, there is)
  (There were, there is)